reunited with Drew…well, about to.
It’s been a while since i last saw my nephew. Like 4 months? It’s not usual for me especially that im so attached to him to the point of claiming him to be my baby. hehe why not? we look alike..hehe
Kidding aside, I do miss my nephew, Andrew. I love him so much. He is one of my weaknesses. For those 4 months I havent seen him was difficult for me. I wanted to see him and check on him. But there’s a big part of me to say no and just dread the moment of being with him. I dont know if people can understand but whenever i see him after his dad’s death is always a struggle. I feel helpless looking at him being innocently so happy as if his growing up years without his dad guiding him will be easy. Sometimes Im dumbfounded whenever he asks me where ‘Nan’ is. (he imitates his mom when she calls his dad). Sometimes, he tells me ‘Nan’ is sleeping in Batangas(place Kuya was buried). My first reaction was to laugh at it. But when I come to think about it, it’s not funny at all. I dont like to see him without anyone to look up to. His mother, my sister-in-law, is still in pain and whenever she cries, my nephew does too. And I cant stand it.
That’s why, I decided to stop seeing him temporarily. I am also grieving even up to this moment. I haven’t visited my brother’s grave on 9/11(his bday),11/01. I stopped to go to Quezon City(where Drew lives) for a while and tried to get over the pain. Besides, I had a lot to fix in my life. Absorbing their pain isn’t the best thing to do at that time as I’m also grieving not just of Kuya’s death but also some personal stuffs. I can’t say that I have fixed myself 100% but I’m getting there. I’m way better now than before. Yes, I’m not over Kuya’s death(dont think I will ever be) but i can laugh and even joke at it. I also chose to assure my parents first before Drew not because I love him less but because my parents do not have anyone else except me. Drew can survive as he is still too young to feel the loss. My parents are living in the house where we grew up. So many memories there. When i had a vacation last year, sadness was evident. Right now, I think they are pretty much okay. I am more than okay too. I’m happy actually as I’m getting by with everything. Work is fine. Relationships with friends are fine. I have gained new true and worthy friends. I even have an instant family who welcomes me. I think I’m blessed this year in spite of everything.
So, I guess Im ready to be bankrupt again…hahaha!
I mean Im ready to be with Drew. I’ll just be counting a few hours and I’ll be reunited with him. i love him so much. He is one of the reasons why I stayed in Manila. My plans will always include him no matter what. We may not have the ideal aunt-nephew relationship (as I tend to be more strict/disciplinarian…he can get away with anything just by being sweet…well, it doesn’t work for me..hehe). He loves me but at the same time fears me. That’s good. I think that’s what my brother wants to do too if he were alive.
