maRGa’s Blog

It’s been a while since i last saw my nephew. Like 4 months? It’s not usual for me especially that im so attached to him to the point of claiming him to be my baby. hehe why not? we look alike..hehe

Kidding aside, I do miss my nephew, Andrew. I love him so much. He is one of my weaknesses. For those 4 months I havent seen him was difficult for me. I wanted to see him and check on him. But there’s a big part of me to say no and just dread the moment of being with him. I dont know if people can understand but whenever i see him after his dad’s death is always a struggle. I feel helpless looking at him being innocently so happy as if his growing up years without his dad guiding him will be easy. Sometimes Im dumbfounded whenever he asks me where ‘Nan’ is. (he imitates his mom when she calls his dad). Sometimes, he tells me ‘Nan’ is sleeping in Batangas(place Kuya was buried). My first reaction was to laugh at it. But when I come to think about it, it’s not funny at all. I dont like to see him without anyone to look up to. His mother, my sister-in-law, is still in pain and whenever she cries, my nephew does too. And I cant stand it.

That’s why, I decided to stop seeing him temporarily. I am also grieving even up to this moment. I haven’t visited my brother’s grave on 9/11(his bday),11/01. I stopped to go to Quezon City(where Drew lives) for a while and tried to get over the pain. Besides, I had a lot to fix in my life. Absorbing their pain isn’t the best thing to do at that time as I’m also grieving not just of Kuya’s death but also some personal stuffs. I can’t say that I have fixed myself 100% but I’m getting there. I’m way better now than before. Yes, I’m not over Kuya’s death(dont think I will ever be) but i can laugh and even joke at it. I also chose to assure my parents first before Drew not because I love him less but because my parents do not have anyone else except me. Drew can survive as he is still too young to feel the loss. My parents are living in the house where we grew up. So many memories there. When i had a vacation last year, sadness was evident. Right now, I think they are pretty much okay. I am more than okay too. I’m happy actually as I’m getting by with everything. Work is fine. Relationships with friends are fine. I have gained new true and worthy friends. I even have an instant family who welcomes me. I think I’m blessed this year in spite of everything.

So, I guess Im ready to be bankrupt again…hahaha!

I mean Im ready to be with Drew. I’ll just be counting a few hours and I’ll be reunited with him. i love him so much. He is one of the reasons why I stayed in Manila. My plans will always include him no matter what. We may not have the ideal aunt-nephew relationship (as I tend to be more strict/disciplinarian…he can get away with anything just by being sweet…well, it doesn’t work for me..hehe). He loves me but at the same time fears me. That’s good. I think that’s what my brother wants to do too if he were alive.

i was shopping all afternoon last Monday at Landamark, Glorietta and SM. I really had the best time being with myself buying presents for some loved ones and for myself too(xempre). I had the best bargains on all that i bought. haha I also dined alone at my favorite place, Pizza Hut. I’m actually not a im-gonna-die-without-pizza type but i just love the ambiance of the place. I decided to eat there while resting my feet. I just cant explain fully how i enjoyed my time looking for stuffs with no time limit. Whoa!

The Makati malls are obviously my fave place to shop, eat and hang out. It is very accessible. no doubt about it. I can reach the place within 15minutes or less. However, I always have a problem going home from Glorietta area. I just don’t know. Ive been living in Makati for more than 2 years already but I just cant seem to get the perfect and convenient way to commute. There was even one time that i walked long enough to realize Im already too close to home to even ride a jeepney.

But something amusing happened last Monday that even up to this point makes me laugh whenever i remember it. My last stop was landmark. I decided to go out and look for FX taxi there. I was thinking that since the taxi drove us there, then there maybe some taxis there ready to load passengers. So there i tried my luck. As usual I noticed a long line of passengers waiting for their turn. If im gonna be joining them, it would probably take me more or less than 30minutes to get a cab. and I dont have 30minutes. hehe So I did look for a cab, deviating from the long line. Fortunately, one empty cab stopped in the middle of the pedestrian lane and opened the door for me. Well…Im so lucky I thought. I thanked the driver for his kindness and all sort of emo thing..lol I thought he would just say thanks as that’s the normal response we receive from them. any idea? he said,

“well, if only youre not pregnant, I shouldnt have stopped and opened the door for you.”

WHAT???!!!

I asked him again just to check coz he must be joking. But he was god damn serious. He even asked me on how many months Im pregnant and all. I wanted to respond sarcastically but I just cant coz he was nice to me really. When the whole thing sink in, I just laughed with him. It was so funny. And i looked at my tummy..hmmm too much beer..haha I  guess it’s time to be very very very serious about working out. Lately, I lost weight already but it was because i was starving myself. I wasnt eating rice for quite a while already. I also dont know what happened. I used to really do a lot of things to sweat out. I think I have gone to be too lazy to even raise a finger.

What can I do now? nothing but laugh at it. Yes, im serious of getting my shape back but on the back of my mind, I shouldnt be too focused on it. It’s no biggie. I just felt the urge of writing this coz it’s kinda funny. My friends know me and my beer belly stories. It has been my struggle for years already. Up to the moment I can hear remarks like,

You’re ok now…except the belly thing..

haha! whatever. I love myself. Me and my precious.